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Posts : 15
Join date : 2009-10-25
Age : 31
Location : New England

PostSubject: brother   Tue 02 Mar 2010, 5:38 pm


Remember when we used to play outside
Pretending we were from another land
Together from the monsters we would hide
Until we would defeat them hand in hand

We’d run around until our lungs grew weak
Our sweaty faces lit with make pretend
And then I’d hold your hand instead of speak
Not just a brother but my one true friend

I still wear scars from when you pushed me down
And you still hold those angry words I made
Its years since when we left that shitty town
And longer since together we have played

I know those days have long since gone away
But still I wish that we could talk today


note: I tried to write a sonnet... but, you know... iambic pentameter confuses me sometimes lol. So sorry if its off a bit
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Voice In The Darkness
Voice In The Darkness

Posts : 88
Join date : 2009-10-07
Age : 51
Location : California

PostSubject: Re: brother   Sun 14 Mar 2010, 1:27 pm

goodjob Very very nice. I don't think it was off at all, but a true honest display of emotion. Looking forward to reading more by one of my fav new authors study hug
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Posts : 16
Join date : 2009-10-11
Age : 39
Location : Canada!

PostSubject: Re: brother   Sun 04 Apr 2010, 5:14 pm

I like it!

Your description in this poem is lovely. I could see it clearly in my head.

Great job!
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